I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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