I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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