her vagine was all disorganized.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
