life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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