You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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