The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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