Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
