The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
