How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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