Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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