I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
