I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
