Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
