It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
