just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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