Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
honey bunches of taint.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
