they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
