i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You pole danced in your parka.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
sex in a hospital.. check
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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