my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
