God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
