matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
