Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
