The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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