she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
