Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
