her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
