he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
