On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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