I hate all girls vehemently.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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