Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
