So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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