my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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