Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
