even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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