So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
