i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
