I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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