he wants to bone in the snuggie
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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