i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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