I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
