I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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