3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Success! We fucked roommates!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
