dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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