so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
