Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she smelled like a LAN party
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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