I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I need to sanitize my soul.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
