went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
