When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
