I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
