Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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