she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize