ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
