I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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