I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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