my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
