We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize