I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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