Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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