Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize