the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
