I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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