Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
