Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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