She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
