You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize