Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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