69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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