no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
