At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
