You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
