I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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