My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
